Movies like Mona Lisa Smile or Pleasantville satirize life in the 50’s when women actually cooked for their families and the men came home from work through a white picket fence with happy children on the porch to greet him. Today most of us scoff at this historical picture and criticize this seemingly oppressive, traditional way of life but others are nostalgic for the past and still start their sentences with, “Back in the good ‘ol days…” I am one of those people.
Never having lived in “the good ‘ol days” myself, you might wonder how I could be so complimentary. I mean, look at the opportunities I have now as a woman compared to the cards I would have been dealt had I been a pre-feminism American woman. The truth is, though I don’t have firsthand experience living in any generation but my own, somehow the memory of a time untainted by the current reality lingers among the social consciousness of a quickly fading generation- our grandparents.
It would take hours to outline the changes that have occurred over the past century in terms of family and social mores. But my biggest concern is the role that women play today as result of drastic changes throughout the decades and how these changes are affecting the most important facet of human culture--the family. It would be foolish to say that feminism hasn’t positively impacted our world as I personally have benefitted from the greater freedoms I possess because of the success of the Women’s Rights Movement—freedoms my Nana didn’t necessarily have when she was a young woman, a wife and a mother.
But I would like to challenge women in their 20’s and 30’s to think critically about the departure from being the women our grandmothers were. For all their faults, they didn’t raise a population of children with a 32% obesity rate. They didn’t raise children that had a 1 in 8 chance of being clinically depressed. We currently live in a world where six million American children are taking psychiatric drugs. Six million. This is just a glimpse of the grim reality we are facing and it’s only getting worse. I can personally attest to the state of today's youth as I work with children of all ages on a daily basis. And it is the rule not the exception that children rarely play outside but instead spend hours in front of the television and with video games. Many battle dark, hidden demons at home that exhaust their fragile emotional and psychological well-beings. With a 50% divorce rate, kids are the victims of their parent's faults and failures and after the storm, are left to make sense of the rubble.
Yet, ironically, the last two decades have been marked by more social “progress” than ever before. And despite the fact that we keep insisting that change and progress is what we need (we voted for it), the future looks very unpromising to say the least. Never have I understood the full magnitude of our failures as a society until I started working in education. And the sad reality is we are failing our kids miserably.
It would be intellectually negligent to overlook the role that women have played in this mess. Yes, I know how politically incorrect it is to suggest anything which contradicts the notion that men are ruining the world, but if we are honest with ourselves, we carry a great deal of the blame. And on a side note, we birthed and raised those men.
The first mistake we made was buying into the idea that being a “housewife” was some form of oppression. Becoming a stay-at-home mom became an ostensibly insufficient aspiration. So, mesmerized by the promise that by throwing off the domestics shackles and climbing the corporate ladder, we could experience true femininity and fulfillment, we set off with our suits and briefcases in the pursuit of our new fairytale.
Never having lived in “the good ‘ol days” myself, you might wonder how I could be so complimentary. I mean, look at the opportunities I have now as a woman compared to the cards I would have been dealt had I been a pre-feminism American woman. The truth is, though I don’t have firsthand experience living in any generation but my own, somehow the memory of a time untainted by the current reality lingers among the social consciousness of a quickly fading generation- our grandparents.
It would take hours to outline the changes that have occurred over the past century in terms of family and social mores. But my biggest concern is the role that women play today as result of drastic changes throughout the decades and how these changes are affecting the most important facet of human culture--the family. It would be foolish to say that feminism hasn’t positively impacted our world as I personally have benefitted from the greater freedoms I possess because of the success of the Women’s Rights Movement—freedoms my Nana didn’t necessarily have when she was a young woman, a wife and a mother.
But I would like to challenge women in their 20’s and 30’s to think critically about the departure from being the women our grandmothers were. For all their faults, they didn’t raise a population of children with a 32% obesity rate. They didn’t raise children that had a 1 in 8 chance of being clinically depressed. We currently live in a world where six million American children are taking psychiatric drugs. Six million. This is just a glimpse of the grim reality we are facing and it’s only getting worse. I can personally attest to the state of today's youth as I work with children of all ages on a daily basis. And it is the rule not the exception that children rarely play outside but instead spend hours in front of the television and with video games. Many battle dark, hidden demons at home that exhaust their fragile emotional and psychological well-beings. With a 50% divorce rate, kids are the victims of their parent's faults and failures and after the storm, are left to make sense of the rubble.
Yet, ironically, the last two decades have been marked by more social “progress” than ever before. And despite the fact that we keep insisting that change and progress is what we need (we voted for it), the future looks very unpromising to say the least. Never have I understood the full magnitude of our failures as a society until I started working in education. And the sad reality is we are failing our kids miserably.
It would be intellectually negligent to overlook the role that women have played in this mess. Yes, I know how politically incorrect it is to suggest anything which contradicts the notion that men are ruining the world, but if we are honest with ourselves, we carry a great deal of the blame. And on a side note, we birthed and raised those men.
The first mistake we made was buying into the idea that being a “housewife” was some form of oppression. Becoming a stay-at-home mom became an ostensibly insufficient aspiration. So, mesmerized by the promise that by throwing off the domestics shackles and climbing the corporate ladder, we could experience true femininity and fulfillment, we set off with our suits and briefcases in the pursuit of our new fairytale.
And despite the praises feminists will sing in regards to all this newfound “liberty” and the advancements that have been made for women, we still are left utterly unsatisfied. Study after study shows that more American women are clinically depressed now than ever before. We are CEO’s for the corporate world, chefs and chauffeurs for our kids, lovers for our husbands and slaves to our bosses--all the things we wanted, our cake and to eat it too, and yet, we're miserable.
Many view this in a completely different light, marveling at the juggling women have managed to do. And, don’t get me wrong, there are many amazing women in my life who do this every day and are great at it. But in the whole scheme of things, children inevitably pay for it.
With dad and mom at work every day, the littlest members of our society are dropped off at the local day care where a stranger being paid minimum wage is entrusted with their care all day. Idle hands are the devils playground for junior high and high school kids who typically have no supervision or structure in the afternoons and resort to hours of television, violent video games or illicit activity. Family dinner is practically a relic of the past. Mom barely has time to eat herself all day much less prepare a healthy meal for her family after working 12 hours. McDonald’s and frozen pizza dominate the weekly dinner menus and after dinner, we all have far too much texting and internet surfing to do to sit down and enjoy a conversation with one another.
So while I am a feminist by default, enjoying my freedom to choose my destiny in ways that my female ancestors could not, I can't ignore that progress for women had detrimental effects on children and even ourselves.
With dad and mom at work every day, the littlest members of our society are dropped off at the local day care where a stranger being paid minimum wage is entrusted with their care all day. Idle hands are the devils playground for junior high and high school kids who typically have no supervision or structure in the afternoons and resort to hours of television, violent video games or illicit activity. Family dinner is practically a relic of the past. Mom barely has time to eat herself all day much less prepare a healthy meal for her family after working 12 hours. McDonald’s and frozen pizza dominate the weekly dinner menus and after dinner, we all have far too much texting and internet surfing to do to sit down and enjoy a conversation with one another.
So while I am a feminist by default, enjoying my freedom to choose my destiny in ways that my female ancestors could not, I can't ignore that progress for women had detrimental effects on children and even ourselves.
I don’t have kids yet but I can guarantee that when I do, they will experience sitting around a dinner table as a family, enjoying a healthy meal and expressing the joys and frustrations of their day. And if I am fortunate enough to stay at home when they are young, as many women understandably are not, I would leave any glamorous job in heartbeat to make certain that I could attend every piano recital, every awards ceremony and be there with a hug in times of heartbreak.
I don’t know what the solution is to all this madness. I feel helpless as a witness to some of the greatest atrocities done to children that you can imagine. I know fully well how cruel and lonely and painful this world can be for too many kids who should be dreaming up their own fairytales, not looking for a way out.
I don’t know what the solution is to all this madness. I feel helpless as a witness to some of the greatest atrocities done to children that you can imagine. I know fully well how cruel and lonely and painful this world can be for too many kids who should be dreaming up their own fairytales, not looking for a way out.
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